Tired again, naturally

I hate being confronted with the fact that PTSD is so much bigger than me. People shouldn't have to look at all their worst fears and experiences every day. It is driving me crazy. I really hate myself. I don't know who I'm supposed to be, or who I am. I'm tired. I'm tired in a way that makes my soul ache, and makes me wonder how much longer I'll survive this much suffering. All I can do is pretend sometimes that I know what I'm doing, and that I'll be okay. Nobody can help me, although God knows some have tried. Every time I start believing things might be okay, I get sucker punched, and it starts all over again. How do I make it stop, short of dying? Cause I really hate the idea of another 50 years of this shit.