Crisis number 442

I talked to the Dav finally today. The guy told me that I wasn't going to get 100%, because people that got 100% because of PTSD ought to be locked up somewhere forever. He also told me that I screwed up working with Vetwow, and suggested that they could dissolve their power of attorney and I could handle things myself. Of course I begged him not to. He said they didn't have any of my paperwork and not to bother sending it to them now. By the end of the conversation I felt like (and still feel like) stopping my appeal altogether. According to him I've got at least another year, and who was I to try and get it done faster when there are people who have been waiting for 3 years. So basically all this time I've spent feeling like I've got an axe hanging over my head is meaningless to them or anyone else. I called my therapist and she said she couldn't help. So fuck the DAV and fuck the VA and everyone else. I don't need this shit. I just want to hide in the darkest, quietest, corner I can find and stay there until this all goes away. I'm tired of being treated like a number or a nuisance or a child who can't take care of herself. Of course, lol, I can't take care of myself. I find myself wishing I had just gotten blown to hell in Iraq so I wouldn't have to be dealing with this shit now.