Tuesday, October 29, 2013

My own special kind of crazy

Back from residential treatment program. I survived it. Some random crazy person showed up on the VA campus with a gun and tried to kidnap my room mate. I threw stress balls at my therapist. I taught the basics of watercolors during recreational therapy.

Therapist had me try to start doing Prolonged Exposure Therapy, the kind where I write in graphic and excruciating detail about the rapes. Didn't work out so well. I wasn't able to finish that treatment and I'm still suffering from the backlash of the extreme stress that put on me emotionally.

I'm tired. Other events that are happening make me feel like my life is cascading out of control. I tend to start crying for no reason and then am unable to stop. I don't sleep when I'm supposed to, I stay awake as long as I can and then I crash hard and fast.

I physically hurt from the constant tension and anxiety that I'm under. My shoulders and neck and jaw tighten up so badly that I'm like a giant bruise.

The value of escapism can not be overstated here.