So, I don't know if you've picked up on it or not, but therapy has been fun lately. I'm ready to give up on the VA, because I don't think they can help me. I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of going to the VA every week and feeling more and more helpless every appointment.
They play roulette with my medications, and with my therapy. There is no consistency. For two years, this has been going on. Three therapists, three psychiatrists. It's like being violated all over again, every time I have to talk about it. Talking about it isn't really helping. Taking my meds isn't really helping.
I went to the mall yesterday to get a dress for my birthday party. Three separate times I thought I was being followed. I was convinced that someone was going to grab me and hurt me. What am I supposed to do, in order to feel better?
I am seriously tired of it all.
I can't go to the residential treatment program for PTSD, because my symptoms are incompatible with their program. I take medication prescribed by my doctor for panic attacks that they don't approve of. Also I disassociate. I space out. I can't pay attention.