Monday, April 23, 2012

Same old troubles

Another round of depression. My boyfriend thinks I'm PMSing. I've been forcing myself to eat, trying to keep from screwing up my blood sugar every day. I really resent having to eat. Rationality is over-rated. Emotions aren't always rational, so it isn't smart to act strictly on an emotional reaction. Refusing to eat because of resentment isn't smart. Duh. I'm so tired of not having any control. I'm doing the best I can in therapy, and taking my meds.

I've been writing in tiny bits and pieces, but I'm still writing so that is good. My family might be moving up here, which I think is really great. It would really help me a lot to not have to be alone so much.

I tried to work up a budget, and it freaked me out so bad I had a panic attack. Money terrifies me. I grew partly in a trailer park, and we never really had much of anything. We moved around a lot, because we were always dodging bills when I was a kid. I'm 29 and debt free which is really awesome, and I want to keep it that way. I have some savings, but still when I think about money I kind of freak out.

I've had a lot of trouble focusing on things. I end up staring at walls, lost in my own little world. I read so much, it's ridiculous sometimes. I read the same books over and over again, but I also buy a ton of books.

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