Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Things that make me sad

I'm sad for the world. I don't know what it is in human nature that makes people hurt one another, maybe some random gene. I want to think that if society was simpler people would be happier. I remember my history classes well, however, and it seems we've been this way since our beginning.

I'm sad for myself. I'm sad that everything I see reminds me of the worst things I've seen and been subjected to. I'm sad that I'm not the only one who has the kinds of stories I do about things that happened to them.

I'm sad that I can't do anything to fix myself, much less the bigger picture. I do the best I can do to make it through the day, but most days that means hiding in bed sleeping or reading or staring at the ceiling. I take my pills I go to my doctors, and social workers, and nurse practitioners the VA have assigned to make me all better. I've finally convinced them that I know they are lying when the say "You'll be fine." I've also convinced them that saying things like "Just breathe" or "Just don't let it upset you" only reinforces my opinion on their lack of competence.

I'm sad for the system. It is an inorganic thing, which cannot adapt well enough to fix its own flaws.

I'm sad, I'm angry, and I'm terrified. I may only ever learn to "cope" with these problems I have, and never be the same again.


  1. I am a rape. Multiple assault, wrongfully imprisoned...cause I tild...for over 3 months. Malpracticed on...critically ill as a reslt..will never get better...will die...and regular negligence and malpractice now.homeless from medical bankruptcy...feel like I'm dying...on morphine...happier dead...wanna kill all the smailing people who don't help and feed me cliches.

  2. Please, all you strong women, don't give up hope. The Minerva Center is running a program called Wounded Warrior Healers to teach a simple energy balancing technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) that rapidly relieves emotional and physical pain. You can find details on the Minerva Center web page and there is a Wounded Warrior Veterans web page. If you are sick and tired of all these things that don't work, please contact me.
    Linda Grant DePauw

  3. Oops, sorry. There will be a Wounded Warrior Healers web page, but it isn't active yet. There is a Wounded Warrior Healers Facebook page.

  4. Robyn,
    I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. You've survived so much, don't give up now. Don't let the bastards win. Life may never be the same for you,(or me for that matter) but where there is life there is hope. If just to spite them, keep trying. I know what it feels like to wish you were dead, its a terrible feeling, but it will pass with time. I don't mean to throw cliches at you, but the truth is, nothing lasts forever. Even such terrible pain. Do what you can to take care of yourself, and don't give up.

  5. Please call 911 to get the help if you need. Anyone out there who feels like hurting themselves or someone else please get help.