Tuesday, July 3, 2012


It's that time of year again. People are shooting off fireworks. I used to love fireworks back before they gave me panic attacks and flashbacks. They sound like gun shots and artillery to me now. I spent last night hiding in my bedroom, and had to take a calm down pill. I've taken to carrying around stacks of books to read. The less attention I pay to the noises the easier it is to deal with. The problem is I'm a smoker, and don't smoke in the house. So when I go outside I hear a boom and freak out. When hiding doesn't work, I yell and cuss at the neighbors from my living room. I can't confront them about it, so I vent my futile anger safely inside.

I've been trying to find other things to occupy my mind. I started working on a table runner for Christmas three years ago and still haven't finished it. I also need to patch some quilts that are fraying. Every time I sit down to work on my novels, I get distracted. So I'll get to it when I get to it. I don't have any reason to rush it.

It's finally summer in Seattle, and it's really nice outside. I have no interest in going out in the nice weather, but it's nice to out the window.

I've been reading tons of Heinlein which is probably at least part of the reason I haven't felt like writing. I spend hours wandering through wikipedia re-reading stuff about ancient philosophers that Heinlein borrows from for his characters. My favorite is Diogenes the Cynic. It's entertaining. Also I know I'm a total nerd, meh. I like how Socrates and his disciples gave Roman society the finger in so many different entertaining ways. I always approve of intelligent rebels. I was excited to take Symbolic Logic and Quantitative Reasoning in college, but was ultimately horribly disappointment. The Socratic method sounds like a hell of a fun way of annoying people, by constantly challenging their premises. The class was all Aristotle and Boole though and that was totally lame. I don't math and predictive calculus sucks the big one. Plus my therapist says my treatment is going to start using Socratic questioning, and admits that she will be frustrated because I'm likely to argue everything she says. Her problem though. To me it just sounds like a dare. I learn best from arguments. Plus its fun.

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