Tuesday, July 10, 2012

People suck

Ugh. I'm tired and cranky. The fireworks will not stop. To many things going boom all the time, have me on edge. I'm clenching my jaw again painfully, so I guess I'm going back to the muscle relaxers. The puppy is about to turn one year old, and he's decided he doesn't have to listen to anyone anymore. He's lucky he's so cute ;)

I'm less than thrilled about the new therapy thing. I have to identify all the thoughts and feelings that I have that are inappropriate. Oh good. Let's play "How many ways am I wrong?".

I have been more than a little morbid lately. Some days I feel like I should just paint my face black and white and start writing hideous poetry. The disconnect is back again. Am I a member of this species? I can't identify with people, and I don't really remember how to try. I definitely can't identify with the female of the species. I know a few girls who have this problem. Girls play twisty-turny, vicious, and sneaky games with each other, where the winner is the one who inflicted the most damage on the other girl's self-esteem. Guys seem to have a better system, although it makes me tired trying to play that game also. Social contracts are just games people play with one another. I've found myself trying to justify humanity's existence to myself, which is a pointless and depressing endeavor. I'm not really qualified to judge, but based on my experiences, at least half of the people in the world suck to one degree or another.

Reaching out to people is not my best thing. Asking for help is my worst thing. Trying to make friends is torture. I can't keep living in my head. For one thing my brain likes to give me nasty surprises in the form of horrible nightmares. Vicious circle.

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